Who's to Blame? Surviving Rejection When it Really Matters

I'm done with my book. I love it and fully believe there is someone out there who will love it, too. The rest of it should be easy, right?

1. Pore through my RWRs, websites, friends' experiences, favorite author acknowledgements, etc and find agents to submit to
2. Collect them into a spreadsheet for tracking purposes
3. Type up personalized, targeted query letters to my top agents
4. Assemble the query letters into envelopes or emails
5. Send them out
6. Wait for worldwide fame to find me

Ok, maybe not precisely easy.

Certainly, sending my little manuscript into the big, bad world is a huge deal, especially to me. (As opposed to you, who may not care if I actually get off my couch this weekend and do some work.) But what happens after that?

I know, I know. I work on something else. *But, guys...* What if the agents hate my stuff? What if I start getting rejection letters that say things like, "Dear Author, You will never be published this side of the Apocalypse. Please burn all your existing manuscripts and throw yourself on the knife Erica was talking about Monday."

Won't it ruin my mojo?

The short answer is yes, of course it will sting. I don't wake up every morning hoping today's the day I'll be rejected. There's that cute little salesman saying that "Every rejection is one step closer to a sale," but... psh! Whatever!

The long answer is that I shouldn't let it get me down. A rejection, whether it's for a query or a partial or, God forbid, the full manuscript, is just one person's opinion. Each of us has to find the one or three people who 'get' what we're doing, and that's not usually going to happen right out of the gate. B.E. Sanderson once compared finding an agent to dating. Well, I will compare the entire writing process to dating.

It's a wonderful, magical world of Suck.

You meet a guy. He seems into you. You're feeling into him. He starts rambling on about all the cool things going on this weekend. You smile and say, "Wow, that sounds fun." He seems to take that as encouragement to talk about more fun things. (We're to the part where the agent requests the full manuscript, if you can't keep up ;-) You go, "Definitely invite me to things like that. Sounds like a good time." He smiles a heart-stopping, hazel-eyed smile and talks about more fun things. (This is the part where the agent starts writing you glowing emails at every chapter break but has yet to offer representation.)

So then you walk away, feeling pretty sure that even if he's busy this weekend, next weekend he'll invite you out for a rousing good time. But when you see him again on Wednesday, he just starts talking about the fun stuff going on this weekend. You begin to wonder if he thinks you're too stupid to find fun things to do yourself, or if he reads the Entertainment section of the paper in lieu of Sports. Maybe the only small talk he has is about Things I'm Not Going to Invite You To Do, But Boy, Don't They Sure Sound Fun?

(I have no idea where this part fits into my analogy.)

SO THEN you finally hand him your number and say "Call me if you actually want to do one of those things." (This is when the agent finishes your manuscript, sighs contentedly, and writes you an email that says, "Hey, Lacey, now THAT'S a story!")

Only, he never calls. (She never emails you again.) Either way, you feel unwanted, unloved, and like you were this close but now you have to begin all over again, starting with finding another agent just as hot.

You know what I mean.

And even if you do make that connection, sell your manuscript and become a NYT Bestselling Author, there's nothing to say you and your agent won't get divorced 15 years down the road. Nothing--nothing--in this world is guaranteed. We have to accept things won't always go our way. And we have to move on.

So what's your mode of getting up and on with it? Chocolate? 20-minute pity party/rant fest? Call up your girlfriends and talk about what an indecisive dork he is? Wonder if it's something you did, something you could do better, and have a very, very hard time NOT running off to fix "yourself" before you start shopping again?

Do you accept the "It's not me; it's him!" thing or do you start rationalizing? Maybe the agent has too many clients (the guy has a girlfriend). Maybe the agent is checking around with her peers to find someone who isn't as busy or loves your genre more than she does (maybe he's indecisive). Maybe the agent hasn't had time to write you back (he's busy). Maybe the agent is afraid to find out you already have 5 other agents vying for your attention (he's shy). Maybe the agent is afraid they can't shop what you have (maybe he's gay). Maybe the agent totally doesn't get you at all (translation: nothing short of throwing yourself naked into his arms is going to clue this guy into the fact that you're into him).

Me, bitter? Nah :-)